Babban Hajaam

Once upon a time, there was a Raja. The Raja was very nice and people were living happily in his kingdom. Suddenly one fine day, Raja’s barber dies. He was very old and has been with the family for a long long time. So obviously the search began for the next barber who can be the King’s barber. After a lot of search, this post was offered to a young lad called Babban. Babban was conscientious, hardworking and diligent; without coaching or reservations he was selected for the royal snip snip snip. As he did ‘Hajaamat, people used to call him ‘Babban Hajaam’. Babban was very happy. After around a month, came the time when Raja needed a haircut. Till that time, he was busy with cutting hairs of the other members of the royal family.

It was a nice Sunday morning. Babban whistled his way to work and continued humming the newest hit song by the courtesan Billo Chamanbhaar. The Raja too was keeping up the beats by patting with his palm on his thighs. Suddenly Babban paused. The Raja did too. Babban continued but alas, the scissors froze.

Babban baulked again. He rubbed his eyes, pinched himself. But still he couldn’t believe his eyes: Horns on the royal pate? O swami of Hari-ki-Dun! The Raja half-turned and with a straight index finger on a shivering mousatche said – “Sshhhhhhshshsh, if you say another word about this to anybody, that will be the last day of your life.” And thus it wound up, with a scrape scrape and brush brush and talcum powder puff puff, and certainly no mirror.

After this, a peculiar thing started happening. As hours progressed, Babban’s tummy swelled. By late evening, his tummy was of the size of a football. By next day morning, the swelling reached upto his neck and he was looking like a big barrel. By Tuesday, his whole body swelled up and he became like a huge balloon. This was happening because he couldn’t keep the secret for such a long time. At last, the poor lad tried to run but it looked more like he was rolling. He rolled towards the woods. Finally when he was deep inside, he told the secret to a tree. He told the tree – “Raja ke sar pe seeeeeng”. Soon he shrunk back to his normal shape.

But now, the tree started swelling and it swelled well. One fine day, after 6 months or so, a woodcutter was walking though the forest and he saw this tree with a huge trunk. He tapped on the trunk. It gave a nice hollow sound. He thought, “Wow, this makes such a nice sound. This wood will be awesome for musical instruments.” So he cut the tree and gave the trunk to his friend who was a maker of musical instruments. The friend was very happy and gave him a lot of cash in return. The friend made 3 instruments out of it: A violin, a harmonium and a set of Tabla. Soon after he made them, a band of musicians came over and were very impressed by the quality of the instrument and bought them at a very good price.

Soon, one day the singers were called to the durbar of the Raja. It was a great day. It was Raja’s birthday. There were a lot of Durbaris. Nice looking women dressed in the shady kind of clothes that the Apsaras Menka and Rambha generally wear, were serving food and paan to all the durbaris. After a scintillating performance by Raja’s favourite Billo Chamanbahaar, came the turn of these musicians, the rising stars of the kingdom.

People waited with baited breath. The musicians came to the stage and started tuning their instruments. In the middle, while they were checking the sound system, suddenly the violin lifted on its own and started playing by itself:

Raja ke Sar pe Seeeeng.. raja ke sar pe seeeeeeng.

Soon the harmonium also started off:

Kisne Bataya Kisne Bataya

And the tabla started the beats:

Babban Hajaam Ne, Babban Hajaam ne.

All the people in the court fell of the chairs laughing. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men, could not put the courtiers back on their chairs again.

Note: I would like to thank Kaushik Ramu for the bare bone structure of the story